When Dr. Gary Chapman published his flagship book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts in 2014, he was addressing a leading cause of divorce worldwide. Too many of us make the mistake of assuming that if something feels like love to us, it must be as meaningful and powerful a communication of love to our significant other. But rare is the marriage where both partners speak the same love language. The solution? Identify your own love language and that of your spouse or partner, and learn to speak the other’s language as fluently (or at least with as much attention) as you do your own. Would you like to learn healthy communication skills for your relationship? If so, then check out my Couples Communication Course. So many couples get trapped in hurtful patterns of conflict and misunderstanding. In this online course, you’ll learn communication strategies that will transform your relationship and strengthen your bond. You’ll learn to resolve conflict constructively and establish new talking and listening habits to make your relationship fun, sexy, and loving again. Learn more about the Couples Communication Course »> But how do you do this? Relationship quizzes like the one in this article can help. It only takes a few minutes, and it will likely reveal something that will help you make the first step toward improving your love relationship. Enjoy the 5 love languages quiz as a means to better understand your own love language, and invite your spouse or partner to take it, too.
What is my love language?
Maybe after looking over the following list of the 5 love languages, you’ll already have an idea which is yours. But it can’t hurt to get some confirmation. If possible, take the love language test with your spouse/partner. Of all the couples quizzes to take together, this one could make the biggest difference. But if your significant other doesn’t want to take the quiz, you could always guess — based on your experiences together — and try speaking that love language for a while to see if it makes a positive difference.
Take The 5 Love Languages Quiz And Discover Your Dominant Love Language
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, you may have tried the same approach with your significant other, only to be disappointed in their reaction (or lack thereof). It matters so much to you when others express appreciation for your strengths, accomplishments, and gratitude for all that you do for them. But if the same language doesn’t bridge the gap between you and your spouse/partner, one of the following probably will.
2. Quality Time
If you need not only someone’s presence and affirming words but also their undivided attention to be convinced of their love, this is probably your love language. You know the value of time and uninterrupted focus because you feel most loved when someone gives you both. If you receive gifts, you want them to evidence your S.O.’s attentiveness to your words and genuine interest in your passions and thought processes. You want proof that your spouse/partner enjoys spending time with you, even if it doesn’t involve gifts or lead to anything physical. Quality time is a way to honor and strengthen the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connection between you.
3. Receiving Gifts
If this is your love language, it doesn’t mean you’re more materialistic than those with other love languages. You treasure those gifts from your spouse/partner not because of their monetary value but because of the thought that went into them and the love with which he or she gave them to you. It’s not hard to receive these gifts with love, because you see them as an expression of love. You probably express your love for others by buying them gifts, creating and sending them thoughtful cards, and giving them the gift of your presence when they’re going through a hard time. So, you appreciate the same from others — and especially from your spouse/partner.
4. Acts of Service
You feel most loved when your spouse/partner does things for you that you want done — whether it’s taking out the garbage, helping out with housework, running errands, or something else. If your significant other has this love language, you might wonder sometimes if he or she values you more like a housekeeper or in-house handyman than as a spouse/partner. Try rendering at least one act of service per day, though — focusing on the tasks your spouse/partner most wants done — and see if it makes a positive difference.
5. Physical Touch
If this is your love language, you feel most loved when your spouse/partner wraps you in a long, warm hug, which — depending on the circumstances — may lead to a tender or passionate kiss. If it’s not your spouse’s/partner’s language, you may be frustrated by their failure to anticipate your need for physical touch. Maybe you wonder why your S.O. seems to need public displays of affection when you don’t. Or maybe you’re the one who’s frustrated with the other’s apparent desire to keep your romance out of the public eye. Physical touch to you might be a way to show love; to someone with a different love language, though, it may feel more like insecurity or as a means of control.
So, what now?
Now that you know your love language and at least some idea of the love language of your spouse or partner, spend the next month looking for ways to communicate love using the other’s love language. If your spouse/partner took the test with you, you now both know how to better communicate love to each other. Make a list of the ways you’ll speak your sweetheart’s love language, and choose something for every day. Don’t keep track of what the other is doing and compare his or her efforts to your own. This isn’t a competition, and the love behind each effort is worth more than whether their frequency matches yours. Focus on the love. If you must make it a competition, challenge yourself to show more love this coming year than you ever have before — one week at a time. And if you enjoyed and found value in the languages of love quiz, please share this article to help other couples who may be struggling in their love relationships. May your love and generosity influence everything else you do today.
